As a homeowner there are a lot of things you have to do that you don’t want to do but you do them. Because you’re a homeowner and you have to take care of your place. This week happened to be one of those weeks where you had to take care of something. But boy oh, boy I did not want to do it.
I put in a paver brick patio walkway behind our house about ten years ago. The grass didn’t grow there and it was always just dirt. The frost heaves have wreaked havoc on my walkway over the past few years so I decided to take up all the bricks and set them all back in place, nice and tight. Unfortunately, when I see things, I don’t like around our house, I can’t just let them sit there. I have to take care of them.
While working out there over the weekend, I noticed an odor. We’ve had issues with skunks and raccoons and possums and squirrels and woodchucks, so it was not too out of the ordinary that I smelled something funny. You may remember my story from a few years ago about the raccoons that were pooping on my deck. If not, I’ll send a link to my story.
This smell however was much different from the others. As much as I didn’t want to do it, I decided to pull off a board from my deck to take a gander at what could possibly be underneath there.
Unfortunately, I discovered something I did not want to see. I will not discuss it in a detail here because once I saw it, I can never unsee it again. I prefer not to describe it because it only brings back the painful memories of the animal that decided to rest permanently underneath my deck.
At this point I had no idea what to do. Because of the condition of said animal (let’s call him Ralph), I decided to try to leave it to the experts. I called the city animal control and they were not interested in helping me. I found a couple places that advertise pest control and left voice messages as it was Sunday when I discovered ‘Ralph’. My neighbor knew a guy who helped her previously with some raccoons that were terrorizing her backyard. So, I called Woody, appropriately named I might add, and left him a message. He called me back later and we chatted about my discovery.
He understood my desperation but after our discussions he decided that I would not be able to afford him if he were to come over and dispose of ‘Ralph’. I told him I totally understood. I didn’t tell him that I was willing to pay a lot of money for someone to come and do it. I didn’t have to. He was nice and very compassionate, but we said our goodbyes and I promised to call him if I ever had the need of disposal of any live animals in the future.
I had no idea what to do next as it was obvious no one was going to come over and help me. I went over and chatted with my friend Chris. He appreciated my situation, but he was not able to help me with my problem. He and his kids had helped me before with my live raccoon issues, but I digress.
What to do next? I decided to go to almighty Google and see if I could find an answer to my problem. There were some suggestions online. The one I saw most often was to get a bag of lime and dump it on poor ‘Ralph’.
I headed over to the hardware store and picked up a forty-pound bag of lime and poured it gently over ‘Ralph’. Of course, this meant that I would have to lift up the board again and glance once more at my friend and dead animal, ‘Ralph’. I decided to close all the house doors to the backyard so we couldn’t smell it anymore and see what the next day brought.
It is now Tuesday and even though I did not pull the board back to look, I do not smell poor ‘Ralph’ anymore. Perhaps I have solved the problem and I certainly hope so. I might take a gander underneath the board in a couple days. For now, I am satisfied that our friend ‘Ralph’ will be heading to the pearly gates in a much better form than he is now.
You have to remember that as a homeowner, there are things you don’t want to do but you must. Hopefully I am done with this portion of my homeowner duties.
For now, I’ll just head to the front yard, open up a nice cold beverage, sit in my reclining Adirondack chair with a good book and try to forget about my memories of ‘Ralph’.
Who says that Burlington Vermont doesn’t have big news?
When you tell the wildlife around town that the busses are free, you have to expect a hitchhiking chicken will catch a ride to downtown Burlington...
I’m hoping that I don’t get beat by him in my next race.
What the duck???
I hope he was careful pinning on his bib number. And make sure you keep up your pace because this duck runs a marathon and wins a medal.
The letter of the day is S
Oh, Elaine, no no no…. that’s gonna cost you five dollars... and a nickle!
Dog Gone it! (Remember, I LOVE dogs, honest!)
Now before I get a lot of grief, let me say this.
I love dogs.
When we are out walking and someone approaches us with their dog, my lovely bride will always say, “Oh, Patrick just loves dogs!” And I do. Honest. I will bend down and rub their bellies and pet them as long as they don’t lick my face off.
That being said (oh, you know this is going south in a hurry) what I don’t love, at times, are dog owners.
Yup, I said it. You love your dogs and treat them better than your children. I’m not saying that’s bad. But when I see a dog owner, driving down the street at forty miles an hour, with their dog sitting in their lap, drooling out the window, I cringe. It’s hard enough to drive down the street with a cigarette in your mouth, your left hand holding your phone while you’re discussing how the Red Sox lost another one last night and sipping a large cup of French vanilla Dunkin’ with extra cream and extra sugar, but a dog in your lap too?
Don’t say anything to the owner either because you’ll get your head ripped off, more than the dog would do. If you suggest perhaps the dog might be better in the back seat, strapped in securely so they don’t get injured in a crash, I’m not sure they’d want to hear it. I thought you loved your dog, no?
Next up, those who have somehow decided that it’s okay to bring their dogs with them to the grocery store or to a nice restaurant. Owners of these places won’t say anything for fear of being video-taped and placed on YouTube or Instagram or Snapface and being shut down by fellow dog owners.
Service dogs are the obvious exception, of course! When we go out, I prefer to not have dog hair in my meal or mixed in my fresh vegetables from the grocery store. You’re in the grocery store for thirty minutes. You can’t leave your dog home for that short time? I love dogs, as I’ve said, but when I’m buying food or eating a nice meal, I don’t want them crawling around my legs in search of something to eat. (I know, I’m a grumpy old man.) Telling me that your dog is friendly and doesn’t bite does not reassure me when he comes over and licks my legs.
This also leads me to dog owners (these are those who we used to live near me thirty years ago and have zero relation to any of my current neighbors, honestly!) who leave their dogs out at all hours of the day and night. You know these dogs. They try to protect their owners from people walking by their house on the sidewalk, barking for five straight minutes, usually at six o’clock in the morning. These same owners (not my current neighbors!), also leave their dogs outside in the winter so they can bark at the snowplow going by at eleven thirty at night. The dogs are doing their duty. I’m proud of them. Their owners, not so much.
That’s my rant for the moment. I know I’ve just been unfriended by dozens of my dog owner friends but it had to be said.
Love your dogs! I’m all for it. Think of your dog-less friends. Know how sad they are for not having a dog of their own.
Try to be kind to them and to your dog because who’s a good boy?
Your dog.